Old Man's Corner

From "The Old Man's Corner"

Environmental Wackos

Strike Again

The Battle of Midway was a pivotal engagement during World War II. In June 1942 the U.S. Navy struck a crippling blow to the navy of Imperial Japan, sending four of the meatball carriers to the bottom and marking the beginning of the end of Japanese aggression in the eastern hemisphere. Herb Hart, indefatigable editor of the Headquarters Heliogram of the Council on America’s Military Past, reports that air service to Midway now has ceased, thanks to the extreme environmental policies of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. The Midway Phoenix Corp. has abandoned their $15 million investment in the island’s only resort. The gummint has systematically destroyed visitation to the island by historically minded tourists. They cut down all the ironwood trees planted by the navy for shade during the war because they were not native to the island. So now the gooney birds burrow into the stumps in search of relief from the burning sun. The silly asses even cut the street signs down to three feet high as they feared the gooney birds would injure themselves flying too low! The gummint is now seeking another airline that will put up with their bureaucratic nonsense, so that air service and power can be restored. And a supposedly conservative White House actually puts up with this, in mortal terror of the loud-mouthed wackos of the extreme left.

Okay, all you libral subscribers who miss the writings of Betty the Libral. We asked if she had any smart-assed commentary to the above, and here’s what she submitted:

What!? The historically minded Midway Phoenix Corp. has withdrawn its money from the tourist resort that would cater to Yapies (Young Asian Professionals)? Next thing you know KFC and WalMart will pass this bonanza by, too. I shudder for the future of capitalism. The six-mile-square island was made a wildlife refuge in 1996 because the U.S. Navy abandoned it. It is open to the public, all those folks who can afford to traverse the South Pacific in the age of Enron. Is it mandatory that we pave over every inch of the planet? Give me a gooney bird over a loony developer any day.